Types of Gardeners

Gardening is a very individual pursuit. Maybe you thought that all gardening was the same? Nope. The following is copied from a post I wrote on Gardenweb last year.

Posted by amberroses 9b-Pinellas Co. (My Page) on Sat, Jun 19, 10 at 23:24
It was too hot to garden and I was bored so I made a list of the types of gardeners I have found of the Florida Garden forum. I mean this to be a funny and not serious. I think the people who post here are the nicest and most helpful on Gardenweb. See if you can add any more to my list.


"Types of Gardeners on Florida Garden Forum"



1. The Clueless Gardener, A.K.A."The Beginner": This poster is new to everything having to do with gardening. He may have recently visited a neighbor’s fabulous garden or saw a gardening segment on the morning news. For whatever reason he suddenly has the urge to GROW! He lacks even basic knowledge of plant biology principles such as the fact plants need light and regular water to grow. His posts are usually titled "Help me I am a beginner" or some variation thereof. He would like to know everything there is to know about gardening in 5 sentences or less. The Clueless Gardener eventually either evolves into a different gardening type or quickly abandons the idea of gardening after finding out it involves work, dirt, and sweat. A subspecies of this type is the Northern Transplant.

2. The Landscaper: Wants his yard to be perfectly balanced in form, color, and theme. Is willing to use whatever pesticides and fertilizers necessary maintain his perfect yard. Has a broad array of gas powered lawn equipment to tend his lovely St. Augustine lawn.


3. The Zone Challenger: The Zone Challenger refuses to accept the fact he lives in Florida. He has no interest in growing plants that thrive naturally in Florida. He mail-orders hostas, lilacs, peonies, cashew trees, and coconut palms from far away places. He may, in addition, design the garden to look like and English cottage garden, a Japanese rock garden, or a garden at a Tuscan Villa.



4. The Martha Stewart: Her yard looks like it is straight out of Desperate Housewives. Her garden has the same look of perfection as the landscaper, but has just enough extra creativity to make it unique and uncopyable. Plants are always in bloom and never show disease or insect damage. She replaces plants at night under cover of darkness similar to the way it is done at Disney World.

 5. The Yard Farmer: While not a professional farmer per se, he grows enough crops to feed a family of four for a year. His bounty includes a nutritional and culinary balance of many herbs, fruits, and vegetables year round. He may or may not have livestock.



6. The Collector: This poster makes it a point to grow one of everything. Due to space limitations he rarely grows more than one of each plant. His garden lacks a coherent design or theme, but could serve very well as a college level plant biology classroom. The Seed Exchange is his favorite Gardenweb forum. He is always searching for something new to add to his grow list.



7. The Specialist: He only focuses on growing one type of plant. He may plant a couple of shrubs to keep the neighbors happy but his real passion is his favorite plant. He knows the entire history of the development of said plant back to the Stone Age. He knows every named cultivar and all the current developments in breeding. He can identify every conceivable pest or disease the plant might face. Frequently the object of his affection is roses, tomatoes, peppers, or orchids.


8. The Ecologist: Knows every theory of organic gardening. Has three kinds of compost piles because he believes the beneficial merits of each method of composting are unique. Has several rain barrels linked together in a solar powered pump system with micro emitters. Raises ladybugs and lacewing insects. Thinks the term organic pesticides is an oxymoron. Fertilizes with excrement and urine from various sources. Knows the names of every single bird, turtle, and snake in his yard.


9. The Forum Police- They are the keepers of the forum rules. They remind posters when they should be posting in an alternate forum and advise when photos have exceeded size guidelines. They post links to earlier discussions on topics.

10. The Pretty Picture Poster-They post a picture of their garden at least once a day. Frequently these photos also include cats, dogs, and kids. My favorite poster type:)

 11. Mr. "I want it all!"- Observes the other types of posters and sees the merits of each. Attempts to emulate all of them. His mixed results. Drives himself crazy trying to reconcile the principles of The Ecologist and The Landscaper. This is me.

To read the original post and the many funny follow contributions by others go here:
http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/load/flgard/msg062324092330.html?63